Thursday, August 30, 2012

Typed while hyperventilating into a paper bag

Hey so this first week of school, it is not going well for my boy C. Not well at all. His misophonia has become enormous and all-consuming and so has the anxiety associated therewith. We have added a new medication (Intuniv ER, for those of you playing along at home) and a new therapy modality (cognitive behavioral therapy, WHO HAS BINGO?) and I am sort of wishing I had a time machine so I could skip ahead 20 years or so and see how this all turns out. I like to imagine I would see my kid healthy, happy, gainfully employed, surrounded by friends who love him, married to his soulmate and raising my adorable grandchildren. And maybe there's a dog. And a home studio for his music. And a guest room for when P and I come to visit. (A double bed is fine. Nothing fancy.) Let's all hold that image in our minds and manifest it into reality, eh wot?

The good news is, the staff at his school could not be more fantastic. They are implementing loads of accommodations and reviewing all sorts of possible options and we really could not ask for more amazing allies in all this. People ask us all the time whether we like this school; I think there is some stigma associated with the fact that it's the oldest high school in our district and is located in not the most high-dollar neighborhood in our district. But we freaking LOVE this school and we feel very lucky that fate (er, and some deliberate real estate choices on our part) put us here. I shudder to think how some schools might handle this very real and serious disorder that very few people have even heard of while it manifests in a kid who doesn't even have an IEP. (He does have a 504 plan, though. That has helped A LOT.)

The bad news, besides the fact that nothing we've tried so far has really worked all that well, is that we can't have a sit-down with all the people involved in trying to puzzle out a solution to this problem until next week because all of our schedules are crazy because it's the first week of school. The waiting is the hardest part. (No it's not. The misophonia is the hardest part.)

The more good news is that H loves most/all of her classes and she's making new friends and I think she kind of gets a kick out of the fact that she's in high school now. The more bad news is that I was counting on her riding the bus to and from school since she and C can't ride in a car together (her breathing triggers his misophonia) and apparently her bus driver makes Nurse Ratched look like Sister Bertrille and so that riding the bus thing is not happening. She's been getting a ride with a friend's mom every day and I feel kind of weird about it because I don't know this mom very well, so I haven't really explained to her what the deal is with me not being able to reciprocate on the whole car pool thing. I asked H to explain it and she said she would but who knows whether that will happen. Meanwhile I think maybe we should chip in for gas every week? Or bake them some cookies? Or buy them a new car? What is the protocol here?

And not to make it all about me or anything (™ my mom) but in the midst of all this I've somehow managed to get within about a pound and a half of my goal weight. That stress diet works a treat, but I can't honestly say I recommend it.

So. How are things with all of you? We should catch up sometime.


  1. Kathy, I hope C has the very same future you have for him. You are the most dedicated mother and it is wonderful that the staff at his school is so understanding. Get a Visa gift card for H's driver to use for gas. Give it to her with or without the cookies. At some point you may need to give her a quick explanation of why you aren't driving the girls.
    Life is good here but 104 today sucks. The weekend is supposed to be cooler. I am still 6-7 lbs from my goal, yo yoing. As I type I am watching Forks Over Knives via Amazon Prime streaming. I got the recipe book from the library. Poor husband. He loves lentils, beans and vegetables but really loves a good steak. I just want to learn more but don't plan to be only vegetarian or vegan. Tonight we are having crock pot lentil soup today with our homegrown tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers.
    I'll raise a glass of my skinnygirl Cosmo when you reach your goal.

  2. My hopes are high for C and CBT. When I was in college, I started having severe anxiety, and in addition to meds, went to a therapist that practiced CBT. Since then, I have only seen therapists that practice it. My results were amazing, and I still use the techniques today when I need to and they still work really well. Fingers crossed, and I'm picturing the same future for C that you have for him :)

  3. Oh Kathy, sorry to hear C is not handling the school well albeit the great support.
    I hope the meds can be changed/balanced in order to make him feel better.
    That stress diet? I'm on it, right now.

  4. Best of luck to your son. My own son just started HS and every time I'm there I think of your son and all he must go through. Not even being able to ride in the same car with his sister? That is brutal. I hope things turn out exactly the way you wish.

    You'll be delighted to know I am (still) 30 lbs. from my goal weight. My stress diet apparently works the opposite of yours.

  5. I second the support for CBT. We have a family member with severe panic attacks and the CBT has worked amazingly. My daughter is studying this in grad school and she is a big proponent of it. I would just give the mom a gas card and explain that your son has some issues and can't drive in a car with other kids. As you get to know her, I'm sure you'll find the right time to share more if need be. Kudos on the weight loss. I think I am gaining your 20, so stop! love you!

  6. Bravo to the school for being on board with you. My daughter is doing her Exceptional Ed student teaching and has had great stories as well as horror stories.

    After 6 years of struggling on his own, we have our 27 yr old son move back in with us until his life settles down a little. I still have high hopes that he can get it back together.

    Hope your weather will be starting to cool down. We're looking forward to Rocktober.