A Halloween playlist

Hey! Happy Halloween, everyone! I've been listening to Pandora's Halloween Party genre station all week in preparation for the holiday, and while I like it just fine, it occasionally plays songs for which I do not particularly care. Or, like, 42 different versions of "Monster Mash" within a 30-minute period. Oy.

This inspired me to comb through my collection of digital music and come up with my own darn Halloween playlist for my Not-an-iPod, so I thought I'd post a little sampling from it just for grins. My pre-NaBloPoMo gift to you! Some of these are pretty obvious, and some of them are ... just because I'm weird.

"Lonely is the Night" by Billy Squier
"I Don't Wanna Go Down to the Basement" by the Ramones
"The Killing Moon" by Echo and the Bunnymen
"Twilight Zone" by Golden Earring
"Devil Inside" by INXS
"Destroyer" by the Kinks
"Carnival" by Natalie Merchant
"The Ghost in You" by Psychedelic Furs
"Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads
"Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon
"I Want Candy" by Bow Wow Wow
"Skulls" by the Misfits
"Monkey Gone to Heaven" by the Pixies
"Possum Kingdom" by the Toadies
"Seether" by Veruca Salt
"Witchy Woman" by the Eagles
"Frankenstein" by Edgar Winter
"Magic Man" by Heart
"Run Like Hell" by Pink Floyd
"Killer Queen" by Queen
"Black Magic Woman" by Santana
"Strange Magic" by Electric Light Orchestra
"Bat Out of Hell" by Meatloaf
"Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones
"Runnin' with the Devil" by Van Halen
"Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival
"Space Lord" by Monster Magnet
"Drain the Blood" by The Distillers
"Zombie" by The Cranberries
"I Wanna Kill My Wife Tonight" by Mojo Nixon
"Dragula" by Rob Zombie
"Creeping Death" by Metallica
"Beyond the Realms of Death" by Judas Priest
"The Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden
"Bad Things" by Jace Everett
"My Body's a Zombie for You" by Dead Man's Bones
"Psycho" by Imelda May
"You Want the Candy" by the Raveonettes
"Friend of the Devil" by the Grateful Dead

Loving right now

 

Oh, October. You were crazy busy, but I kind of loved you with your apples and band competitions and dog walks and classic (free!) horror on the Kindle and theater performances and happy celebrations and little touches of autumn (weather-wise and otherwise)(FINALLY).

I will be doing NaBloPoMo in November, which means I'll be posting something here every day for the entire month. Maybe that will make up for neglecting you all summer and most of the fall. Or ... maybe it will irritate the crap out of you. Who knows?

We'll see!

Recent discoveries

I've discovered that I don't mind the days getting shorter, even though it means taking the kids to school in the morning while it's still dark.

I've discovered that daughter H has a stronger sense of self at 13 than I have at 45. And I am totally okay with that.

I've discovered that son C has developed a coffee habit. For 15.5 years I managed to keep him caffeine-free, and then the stupid high school went and installed a coffee shop in the new cafeteria annex. Thanks a whole hell of a lot, SCHOOL.

I've discovered that I do like oatmeal after all, as long as it's sweetened with brown sugar and has plenty of shredded unsweetened coconut stirred in. And isn't baked.

I've discovered that a bit of Dijon mustard and honey with apple cider vinegar and olive oil, shaken together in a little lidded jar, makes a quick and super yummy homemade salad dressing.

I've discovered, or rather remembered, that walnuts are delicious. Husband P is allergic to them and anyway pecan is the king nut here in Texas, but I bought some walnuts when I was on the paleo diet and have been sneaking them out of the freezer and devouring them by the handful.

I've discovered that a lot of pretty good music came out in the '90s when I was too busy getting married and having babies to notice. (I'm looking at you, Smashing Pumpkins.)

I've discovered that I actually enjoy walking the dog, as long as it's early in the morning and we're on the quiet back roads rather than the main roads (or the park or the greenbelt) of our neighborhood. Because I am JUST. THAT. ANTISOCIAL.

I've discovered that after months of walking instead, I don't really miss running all that much.

I've discovered that all it takes is a good soaking rain and a couple of weeks with no triple-digit temperatures to restore my will to live.

If by "Indian summer" you mean Rajasthan in May

Hello, as of yesterday we were still in the triple digits here. I know I said I was going to stop complaining about the weather, but that was when I assumed the weather was going to stop being stupid. I cannot ever remember it being this hot at the end of September, and indeed, the heat record we broke yesterday had been set sometime in the 1920s -- just a LITTLE bit before my time.

It is so hot that the other night we had thunderstorms with no rain. Oh yeah. Apparently that's an actual thing. Tuesday evening the sky filled with low, dark clouds and there was lightning and thunder and the middle school football game was canceled and we were all chortling with glee because we thought we were in for a good, old-fashioned gully-washer, but no. We got maybe 30 fat drops of rain over a 10-minute period, and then it all went away.

But a cold front came through last night apparently, and now it's only supposed to be in the 90s for the foreseeable future, so excuse me for a moment while I go BUY A PARKA. Sheesh.

Anyhoodle, here is some stuff I've been doing lately:

Reading Gail Carriger's Soulless, a comedy of manners set in a Victorian England in which supernatural beings (vampires, werewolves, etc.) have been integrated into society. I know, we're all SO OVER vampires and werewolves by now, but this book is a little different from most of what's out there. There's a bit of romance, a bit of mystery, and a lot of dirigibles and steampunk gadgets (also tea)(and biting). It's a little like Jane Austen meets Charlaine Harris meets Connie Willis. So fun. Prior to that I read and absolutely loved Ernest Cline's Ready Player One, an adventure novel chock-full of 1980s sci-fi and fantasy gamer geek references. If you've ever played Dungeons & Dragons or Tempest or found yourself quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail in casual conversation, you will love this book. And if you haven't done those things, you also will love this book, probably. It's that good.

Listening to the new Blitzen Trapper album, American Goldwing, which is making me super happy. People seem to either love or hate Blitzen Trapper and I guess I sort of love them. They remind me of the folk rock music my Dad used to listen to when I was a kid. Must be all the harmonicas and tambourines.

Watching so much TV, I can't even tell you. All my shows are back! Except Dexter, which won't be back for a couple of days. And The Walking Dead, which won't be back for a couple of weeks. But still, ALMOST all of my shows are back! H and I are spending several evenings a week curled up in my room watching shows while she does homework. That's our version of Girls' Night In.

Walking El Guapo every morning. We take a different route each time, because I like to mess with his head. This morning we made our way through the greenbelt and met a short, angry dog with a round, cheerful owner; a playful, hairy dog whose elderly owner did not have her leashed (argh); and a small family of white-tailed deer. Superfreak was not at all interested in the deer until the buck showed up. He was VERY interested in the prickly pear cactus that lines the trail in the greenbelt, though (argh, again)(he is totally fine, no pokes this time).

Yelling myself hoarse at high school football games. C plays sousaphone in his high school marching band, so really the games are all about halftime for me, but my brother played football for 10 years and old habits die hard. I just have to yell and scream at football games. I HAVE TO. And then I have to peel out of the stadium parking lot early in the 4th quarter to beat the rush. And maybe buy a Frosty from Wendy's on the way home. Don't you judge me.

Celebrating my birthday/anniversary fortnight. I like to combine them, because it's more festive! Last Tuesday I had a birthday, as you all know (thank you for the birthday wishes!), and it was swell. My big present from P and the kids was a huge honkin' 15-inch pre-seasoned cast iron skillet, which I asked for and LOVE SO MUCH. One of the extra things my mom and dad tossed into my bag o' loot from them was a pack of Burt's Bee's pre-moistened facial cloths, because my Mom loves them and thought I would too, and now I have become hopelessly addicted to them. And I have been spending gift cards all week long with reckless abandon. So! Birthday: awesome. And now we move into the anniversary phase of the celebration, as P and I will have been married for 18 years on Sunday. Whee!

Cooking not much of anything at all. During football/marching season there's maybe one night a week when we're all here at the same time for dinner. Ugh. Hate that.

Eating a ton of crappy non-meals. See above.

Wearing the gorgeous earrings I bought myself (for my birthday, don'tcha know). I have long been a fan of Julie's blog, and now she has an Etsy shop full of jewelry that feels like it was made just for me! Seriously, I have the hardest time describing the kind of jewelry I like to P. He knows I don't like "fine jewelry" from jewelry stores, all precious and polished, and he knows that I don't like anything too big/chunky. Now instead of trying to explain what "delicate and kind of earthy artisan pieces, but not too expensive" means, I can just point him here. Done and done. (And I love love LOVE my earrings!)

Feeling cautiously optimistic about C's new therapy cocktail for his misophonia. I am always cautiously optimistic, except when I'm positive we're all going to die things aren't working, but this time I really do have hope that we're on the right track. Fingers crossed.

In other news, I dyed my hair for the first time in like 4 years and while I could swear the label said Nice 'n' Easy, I must have picked up a box of Nice 'n' Brassy by mistake. "Dark Blonde"? Yeah, not so much.

Also, that crazy lady running through the high school lobby this morning with no makeup, greasy orange hair and sweaty workout clothes, smelling like a goat and looking like she went straight from walking her dog 1.8 miles on a dust-choked greenbelt to frantically delivering her son's forgotten Pre-AP English II homework on the last day of the grading period so he would be eligible for a UIL contest this weekend? Yeah, that was me. Teenagers! Can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em into slavery without Child Protective Services getting involved! Am I right? Yeesh.

And that pretty much brings you up to speed.

Hatred of sound

It started several years ago. At first we thought it was just an affectation. Son C has a lot of those; he had been diagnosed a few years earlier with Asperger Syndrome and mild Tourette's so he has a lot of quirks. We thought this was just more of the same.

Our rectangular dining table was arranged at the time such that I was to C's right and husband/father P was to his left, with his sister H sitting directly across from him. Every time we sat down for a meal, C would put his left elbow on the table, lean the left side of his head into his left hand and leave it that way for the entire meal. I didn't think too much of it -- he was right-handed so he needed that hand free to eat, right? No big deal.

But P, who as I've mentioned sat to C's left, began noticing things. He noticed that C was pressing his hand, not against the left side of his head, but against his left ear, as if he were trying to block out sound from that side. We also noticed that C often seemed distressed at meals, and that he would make angry grunting noises (which is something he does when stressed). It didn't take long to connect the dots and figure out that C was trying to block out the sound of P's chewing, either by covering that ear or, if/when that didn't work, by making other sounds himself to mask the chewing sounds.

I'm afraid that P took this rather personally at first. The poor guy had throat surgery several years ago and as a result has a shortened soft palate and no uvula. He does sometimes make quiet, involuntary sounds when he eats certain things, and he's rather self-conscious about it. He was a bit insulted that at every single meal his son would turn away from him, cover the ear closest to him, and make angry sounds to cover up his chewing. They had many conversations about it but nothing was ever resolved; P explained that it was hurtful and that he found it disrespectful, C explained that it wasn't personal and he couldn't help it, and neither side was happy (not to mention the stress this put on me, as the person who loved them both and knew they both loved each other and who was attempting to mediate this whole thing)(not to make it all about me, but it IS my blog, you know).

P and I have always felt that mealtime is family time. Eating meals together as a family is important to us and always has been. We tried many things to try and resolve this issue. We all played musical chairs around the table, trying to find an arrangement that worked for C, but with only the four of us (and the discovery that H's chewing bothered C, too) and the table only being so big, nothing really worked. We tried playing music in the background at dinner to try and mask all the chewing noises, and that worked up to a point, but C needed the music to be so loud that the rest of us really couldn't carry on conversations around the table. Mealtime became a silent, angry, resentful time in our family.

In the late winter/early spring of this year things got dramatically worse. C told me that he was having a lot of trouble in class because of kids chewing gum or snacking around him. He could not stand to hear his father or sister chew anything at all, ever. He described the feelings these sounds engendered in him -- terror, rage, panic, a feeling like he was going to die, an urge to do violence to the offender. C has seen a number of occupational and behavioral therapists over the years for his Asperger Syndrome but we were between therapists at the time -- the ones we really liked no longer accepted our insurance, and the ones on our provider list were ones that C did not like and with whom he would not cooperate, rendering any attempt at therapy useless. We didn't know whom to call or what to do.

P got on the internet and within a couple of hours of Googling, we had a (self)diagnosis: misophonia. It was a real thing, a well-defined disorder. Many people had it, and there were online communities dedicated to it. I felt the same sense of relief that I felt when we got C's Asperger diagnosis: this is a Thing. It has a name. People know about it. There are things we can do to help him.

Unfortunately, the more we read about misophonia, the more my relief melted away. Yes, it's a real thing, but no professionals in our area have ever heard of it, much less know how to treat it. It tends to get worse over time, not better. Many of the people who suffer from it live in isolation because they can hardly stand to be around other people. Hello, we've spent umpteen thousands of dollars out of pocket (because occupational therapy for Asperger Syndrome isn't covered by insurance in this country) trying to bring our child OUT of his shell and give him social skills! Now that was all going to be erased?

As soon as we had a name for it, I wrote to C's teachers. I explained the problems he was having in class (we'd already had his Section 504 meeting that year so there were no accommodations in place for this) and asked that they let him change seats, wear his ear buds, whatever worked for them and him in the classroom. They were all very understanding, though unfortunately nothing we tried really worked and he had a very stressful spring semester as a result.

At home, we reluctantly allowed C to do two things: eat his meals away from the family table (on a desk in our kitchen, facing away from the rest of us) and wear his ear buds with his music playing during meals so he couldn't hear us. This has helped a bit; he does inhale his entire plate of food in like 90 seconds so he can get away from us entirely, but at least he's in the room with us up until then so we still have the barest illusion of family mealtime. We've learned that the only real medical treatment for misophonia so far is anti-anxiety medication, but since C is only 15 and has a lot of weird issues with medication like I do (strange side-effects, etc.) we wanted to try something gentler first, so I bought him some nutritional supplements for anxiety that seemed to take the edge off somewhat. He's been taking two before school every day and for a while they seemed to get him through with just a baseline anxiety -- not as many spikes. However, the supplements aren't really working so well anymore.

His misophonia has gotten much worse just during the past couple of weeks. He has so many more triggers now -- not just chewing/eating but breathing, yawning, coughing and certain speech sounds set him off. I laugh now (bitterly, before tossing back a couple of fingers of whiskey or vodka) when I think how stressful things were when he was "only" set off by eating/chewing sounds.

He cannot stand to be around his father or sister at all. EVERY sound they make with their mouths -- breathing, sighing, talking, anything -- sets him off. And by "sets him off" I mean that he makes this horrible, horrible sound. A very sudden, very loud, very angry sound. Can you imagine having that directed at you repeatedly, continuously, all day long? Whenever you are around someone with whom YOU LIVE? Its effect on H has been absolutely devastating and I don't know how to help her. She can't help breathing, for crying out loud, but neither can C help his reaction to it. Neither of them is doing anything wrong! How do I fix that?

I set him off too, but not as badly for some reason. Still, we are all walking on eggshells here, breathing shallowly, freezing and cringing when C walks into the room whether or not we are eating anything at the time. He cannot stand to be around us, and it's getting very close to the other way around. Things we can no longer do as a family include: eating meals together (whether at home or in a restaurant), watching TV/movies together (whether at home or in a theater), playing games together, taking long car trips together, going to gatherings where there will be snacks sitting out for people to eat, going pretty much ANYPLACE in public where people might be eating or chewing gum (you know how they put food samples out at grocery stores? we don't shop together anymore). We pretty much can't do ANYTHING together anymore, and taking C out in public anywhere is a risky proposition these days.

We are in crisis over here, in other words.

After months of looking for someone, anyone, within a day's drive of our house who knows what misophonia is and how to treat it, we have given up on that. We're now focusing on finding someone who works intensively with stress, anger management, anxiety, phobias and that sort of thing. We have an appointment this week, in fact, with someone we hope can help. And we're looking into family therapy, since H refuses to do therapy on her own even though she clearly needs to talk to someone who can help her deal with the effect this is having on her. Meanwhile C has some new noise-canceling ear buds, and we are looking into finding stronger nutritional supplements or possibly approaching the anti-anxiety medication discussion with his doctor. (Just to be clear, P and I are not opposed to putting him on this medication and C is all for it. I personally would just prefer that it be prescribed by someone who KNOWS misophonia, knows what it is, how it works, has treated people who have it, and truly believes that anti-anxiety meds are the best course of action for my individual child. I don't want psychotropic drugs thrown at my kid the way you throw darts at a dartboard, hoping something will stick in the right place. That's all.)

We have felt very alone in all of this. If you describe it to someone, if they see him react to a trigger and ask what is wrong, it's nearly impossible to say. It sounds like it's all in his head, like we are coddling him by letting him take his meals upstairs to eat when we have company over, like he is a brat and we are indulging him. I assure you, this is not the case. C is not being willful. He told me the other day that he would happily let doctors cut out parts of his brain if that would stop this. As stressful as it is for us, it is even more stressful for him. His life with Asperger Syndrome was already like walking through a minefield every day, and now it is 100 times worse, because he never knows when someone will come around the corner smacking their gum or munching on a breath mint and send him right into a full-fledged panic/rage attack. If you've ever had a panic attack yourself, then you know what he is feeling multiple times per day, every single day. It is debilitating.

This post is getting very long so I will attempt to wrap it up. I want to make it clear that I'm not writing this in hopes of generating sympathy or anything like that. Things could be SO much worse, and I know that -- my kids are alive, they are physically safe and healthy, and we are still united as a family. Many people aren't that lucky, and I am hyper-aware of that, and grateful for our luck in this regard, every minute of the day. No, I'm writing this in part to let you all know why I haven't been posting much these last few months; this has been a bit all-consuming, as you might imagine. It's hard to think about anything else lately, and all my (drafted, unpublished) attempts at writing about other subjects have sounded false and weird to me.

But mostly I'm writing this because a couple of weeks ago my dad sent me this article from the New York Times, and I posted it to my personal Facebook page telling people that C has this disorder, and you would not believe the number of people from my list of only 125 friends who told me that they have this, or that their spouse has this, or that their child has this and that they never knew it had a name. The more people who hear that name and know what this is, the better the chance that someday we will all FIND SOMETHING THAT WORKS. It's been considered a very rare disorder up to now, but what if it isn't? While my heart breaks for anyone dealing with this, the thought that the misophonia community might in fact be a rather large one is sort of scary-exciting. There is strength in numbers, and history has shown that a vocal minority can bring about amazing changes, or at least awareness. Maybe there's hope?

Here are a few more websites, articles and media mentions of misophonia for those who are interested. I urge you to look at these when you have a chance if you even THINK you might have misophonia, or know (and most especially love) someone who does.

• Here's a recent spot that was done on the Today Show.
• A ten-minute radio spot that talks about it from a medical standpoint (WARNING: they play trigger sounds between 5:39 and 6:17).
• Again, the New York Times article linked above.
• Also again, the misophonia message board on YahooGroups.
• A fantastic article by an audiologist.
• Another article written from a psychiatric standpoint.
• This video describes in a non-verbal way what it's like to suffer from misophonia.
• This guy is very honest (and verbal) about how misophonia affects him every day.
• Here's a followup to the above video which describes the type of thing that C has been dealing with in class/school.
• US-based website about misophonia.
• UK-based website about misophonia.

So. That's what's been going on with us. It feels good to get it off my chest. Now that I have, I fervently hope I can start writing about other things, like the book I just read and loved (spoiler: it was Ernest Cline's Ready Player One) and how it might be FALL someday soon and how I seriously just remembered that my birthday is tomorrow. Huh. We celebrated over the weekend and it was swell, and I would like to tell you about it.

And also, maybe from time to time I'll tell you how the misophonia thing is going. If that's okay with you.

Purple haze

The weather here in central Texas this week has taken a turn for the passive-aggressive.

On the one hand, it has been GORGEOUS. Cloudless skies, extremely low humidity, breezes ranging from stiff to gentle, with highs only in the 90s and morning lows around 60. And I'm here to tell you, that "dry heat" thing is not a lie. There's a world of difference between 97 degrees at 15% humidity and 97 degrees at 85% humidity, boy howdy. It's been cool enough in the morning when I drive the kids to school that I've been running the heater in my car. I know! This break from the relentless heat we've experienced since May feels like an absolute gift, and one that we have damn sure earned.

On the other hand, as you may have heard, pretty much all of Texas is literally on fire right now. We've been lucky here in our neighborhood so far, but there have been fires in every direction from where I live, some of them within 10 miles of my house and less than 2 miles from my parents' house. Like many suburbs in Texas, the neighborhoods on our end of town are surrounded by open ranch land for the most part, all of it fried a crispy brown from the heat and lack of rain (have I mentioned LESS THAN THREE INCHES ALL YEAR? and pretty much no rain at all since April?). Our recent winds and low humidity have made things so much worse, and the situation has become somewhat terrifying, if by "somewhat" you mean "a lot". It's getting so I have to talk myself through driving past these open, dessicated spaces the same way I have to talk myself through driving over really high bridges and overpasses. (I have phobias. Don't judge me.)

Today we're experiencing some sort of weather inversion thing as the result of all the cooler, drier air and apparently the smoke from all these fires is trapped at the surface in a nice little bubble over central Texas. Walking out of your house and seeing/smelling smoke when it's this dry? Terrifying. And ironically, all the smoky haze on the horizon looks just like a wall of rain coming in -- the kind of rain that falls out of a uniformly grey sky and gently soaks the earth for hours at a time. The kind of rain that we desperately need here, but there's none to be had in our forecast.

No triple-digit temperatures either, though it's a near thing.

I'm honestly not sure how to feel right now.

What I learned from 7.5 days on the paleo diet

Hey, so one thing I did during my summer vacation was go on a really restrictive diet! Because why not? It's not like I was going to go out and EXERCISE in that heat, right?

I first heard about the paleo diet a couple of years ago, and I remember thinking, "Huh. That makes sense." And then I promptly forgot about it. But recently a couple of prominent bloggers (Alice and Heather) came out of the paleo closet (or maybe ... paleo CAVE! see what I did there with the OH NEVERMIND) and I took another look at it. In truth, it was Heather's photos of what she was eating that got me. I am down with ANY diet that includes sausage. Just so you know.

So after Googling around and realizing I needed a bit more structured guidance than what Doctor Internet could give me, I bought and read Loren Cordain's The Paleo Diet. And I liked it okay, except for the part where his information on saturated fat was kind of out of date and he was okay with people drinking diet sodas, which I'm pretty sure they did not have back in the paleolithic period, yo.

But the basic info on what to eat and what not to eat was there, and that was what I wanted. To whit:

• No dairy. Check. I've been dairy-free (with only occasional, always-regretted lapses) for a couple of years now, because dairy makes me all congested and mucusy. You're welcome.
• No grains. At all. That was going to be tough, not because I'm a carb junkie (I don't think) but because grain is EVERYWHERE. I mean, think about it. We're not just talking low-carb or gluten-free here, we're talking ALL GRAIN. Rice, wheat, oats, barley, quinoa, everything. No pasta, no baked goods, no nothin'. But whatever, I was down with it.
• No legumes, including soy and peanuts. I forget why, something to do with agriculture blah blah that part of the book was boring. Not a big deal though, because P and H are allergic to legumes (except peanuts) so we don't eat them much, anyway.
• No potatoes or corn. Say what now? I'm not in love with corn, but potatoes make up a good 30% of my diet, I'm pretty sure. BUT FINE. WHATEVER.
• No refined sugar. Only the occasional dollop of honey. Alrighty.
• Lots of meat. Swell! I love meat! And since my body can't utilize non-heme iron, I NEED meat.
• Lots of fresh veggies. Awesome!
• Lots of fresh fruit. Okay then!
• Alcohol is allowed, if you already "enjoy" it. Sign me up!

So I went cold-turkey hardcore paleo overnight. I would like to point out that I did this for no particular reason. I wasn't having any major health issues, was not looking to lose a significant amount of weight, nothing like that. I was just sort of bored. And CRAZY FROM THE HEAT. And as you read these meal descriptions, please know that I did NOT force my family to eat this way with me. I made a grain or potato dish along with all the paleo stuff for dinner most nights; I just didn't eat it.

Day one: Ate eggs, lots of fresh veggies, nuts, chicken legs and giant salads all day. Felt okay. Excited about this new way of eating! Can't wait to go grocery shopping for more meat, fruit and veggies!

Day two: Woke up ravenous with a splitting headache. Egg and veggie scramble for breakfast, spicy tuna wrapped in lettuce leaves for lunch, flank steak and grilled veggies for dinner. Snacked on nuts and fresh fruit. Feeling pretty darn good and getting massively full at every meal.

Day three:  Woke up ready to eat my pillow, P's pillow, and possibly the dog. Had coconut milk yogurt with fresh fruit and nuts for breakfast, leftover steak and veggies with spinach salad for lunch, grain-free meatloaf with steamed broccoli and sliced tomatoes for dinner. Snacked on turkey slices and guacamole. Feeling fantastic, super committed to this new lifestyle! Really need to go shopping, though.

Day four: Woke up with a headache and my blood sugar level hovering somewhere down around my toenails. Ate a peanut-free Larabar for breakfast, washed it down with black decaf tea and nearly passed out in the grocery store. Spent like $300 on meat, fruit and veggies, OMG. Lunch was a small broiled steak and leftover veggies. Dinner was grilled pork tenderloin and a humongous salad. Snacked on beef jerky and half an apple with almond butter, a little closer to bedtime than usual in hopes of avoiding that whole morning hypoglycemia headache thing.

Day five: Woke up without a headache, yes! Breakfast was an egg and veggie scramble, sausages and fresh fruit. Lunch was a massive spinach salad with fruit and grilled pork. Dinner was a massive green salad, also with pork. Snacked on jerky and fresh pineapple spears with chili powder. Getting a little bored.

Day six: Ate paleo. So bored. All this fruit is starting to go bad already.

Day seven: Woke up hungry, got a migraine. Not a terribly bad one, but still. I used to get them all the time but now I only get them maybe once every 12 to 18 months. Stress and hormones are the usual triggers, but neither of those were a factor for this one. Curious. Ate paleo all day, including a delicious pot roast for dinner (with cauliflower puree standing in for mashed potatoes)(discovered I freaking LOVE cauliflower puree).

Day eight: Ate paleo for breakfast, lunch and snacks. Was blindsided by a MASSIVE migraine at dinnertime. Two migraines in two days in the absence of my usual triggers? For me, that is statistically significant. The ONLY thing I have changed has been going on the paleo diet. Hmm. Maybe I'll just eat this handful of whole-grain tortilla chips and see what happens. And maybe also these Pringles.

Day nine: Woke up feeling fantastic. No trace of a migraine hangover. Ate whole-grain toast with fruit for breakfast, a whole-grain tortilla wrap with turkey and veggies for lunch, stir-fried shrimp with veggies over rice and a big salad for dinner.

And I have been fine ever since going back to my old diet. No more waking up with low blood sugar, no more migraines.

One could probably argue that I didn't give it enough of a chance. That my body just needed time to adjust. To that I say: sorry, man. Two migraines in two days is a deal-breaker. I would not willingly subject myself to that for ANY reason.

Since going back on my regular diet a couple of weeks ago, I've had time to reflect.

On the one hand, this experiment was worth doing. I've been on restrictive diets before for health reasons, and what they tend to do, for me, is bring my awareness to what the heck I'm putting in my mouth. I like to think my usual diet is pretty healthy -- moderate amounts of mostly pastured meat and eggs, fresh veggies, mostly whole grains, a bit of fruit now and then -- but the truth is I had veered a bit into Processed Food Land this summer. Also, I eat a LOT of grain, boy howdy. I do still think there is merit in the philosophy behind the paleo diet, so I've been trying to be aware of and cut down on the processed crap and the non-whole grains since I went off it. That probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't cut them out entirely for a few days.

On the other hand, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! Putting myself on a restrictive diet! Being the person who walks into a restaurant, looks at the menu, and thinks, "Well, I can't eat ANY of this!" Or worse yet, doing that at someone's HOUSE when they have invited me for a meal. OMG. I pride myself on being willing and able to eat almost anything. I am seriously the least-picky person you know when it comes to food, probably. I AM somewhat annoying in that, if we are going out for a meal, I will always insist YOU pick the restaurant, but that's because I am literally up for ANYTHING. Italian? Mexican? Indian? Thai? Ethiopian? Japanese? Burgers? Sandwiches? Salads? Vegetarian? Yes, please! I will go anywhere and eat anything, it doesn't matter to me. I love it all, and I have no idea why I suddenly decided to stop eating some of it. Sheesh!

So yeah. That happened.

It was the worst of times

Okay, well that sucked. Summer 2011 can pretty much bite me.

I took a little blog break in August to spare you all my whining about the heat, so let's just get this out of the way in one big chunk and then we need never speak of it again. According to my local weather station, this year in Austin we:

• set a record for the highest number of days with temperatures in the triple digits (76 so far, but the forecast calls for more over the next few days)
• set a record for the most consecutive days at triple digits (27)
• set a record for the highest number of days at 105 degrees or above (23! TWENTY-FRICKIN-THREE)
• tied the record for the hottest day EVER recorded in Austin (112 degrees -- pretty sure we did this at least twice this year)(so far!)
• had an average temperature (factoring in both high and low temps) this summer of 89.5 degrees, making this officially the hottest summer on record
• had an average high temperature of 104.8 OMG ARE YOU KIDDING ME degrees last month, making August 2011 not only the hottest August ever recorded here, but the hottest MONTH ever recorded, period

That is science, bitches. That's not just me whining about the heat. IT WAS HOT HERE, OKAY? And dry, so very dry. We've had less than three inches of rain in my area for the entire YEAR so far, with no rain whatsoever in June, July or August and only .01 inch in May. It was so hot and dry that my bay leaves all dried up right on the tree. It was so hot and dry that my gladiolus never bloomed. It was so hot and dry that H got heat exhaustion while she was IN A SWIMMING POOL FULL OF WATER.

I managed to do very few of the things I had planned to do this summer, but that's okay. We survived, and that's all that matters. We didn't have any earthquakes or hurricanes, but it was a natural disaster all the same. I fervently hope that YOU are all safe and well and whole after whatever nature happened to throw your way this summer.

And now let's all flip the calendar to September, take a deep breath, and think about autumn in the northern hemisphere. (You lot in the antipodes are on your own. Good luck!)

Wake me up in September

Oh, you guys. I KNOW. I have not been blogging at you AT ALL this month! Trust me, it's better for everyone this way. August is my most hated month of the year, with its unbearable heat (15 days of temperatures above 105 degrees? REALLY, Texas?) and the craziness of the last days of summer vacation/first days of back-to-school and whatnot. My silence here is the only way I know to spare you all my whining. Just be glad you don't have to live with me. It ain't pretty.

Fortunately, flipping the calendar over to September always restores my will to live regardless of the temperature or back-to-school craziness. Let's meet back here then, shall we?

The week that was

Well. I'm pretty sure THAT, the most recent block of time in which I did not blog at you, was the busiest week in this or any other summer. In addition to daughter H needing to be in one place and son C needing to be in another place 10 miles away, both at the exact same time in the morning, and then H picked up ten minutes before C was picked up, and then C taken back and then picked up again a couple of hours later (I know, right?) here are a few things that happened:

We had a lovely visit with husband P's sister S and her husband R, who were in town for their anniversary. (I know, with the initials. I suppose I could make up nicknames for everyone, but then I'd have to keep THOSE straight in my head and I know my head well enough to know that will never work.)

This ridiculous dog turned one year old. 'Nuff said.

I helped H dye her hair "crimson red". It was temporary, and after a couple of shampoos she is already back to her usual golden brown. But it was absolutely lovely, and I'm warming up to the idea of letting her do this on a more permanent basis, maybe next summer when she will be *gulp* fourteen and about to enter high school.

We bought peaches and figs at the farmer's market, and then ate them all before I could take pictures. (Also, I harvested ONE fig from my tiny little potted fig tree -- known to some of you as Ferdinand the Fig Tree because my fig tree is internationally famous -- but I ate that before photographing it, too. It was delicious.)

Meanwhile I have been reading and am nearly finished with Amanda Eyre Ward's latest, Close Your Eyes, and it is every bit as wonderful as her previous works. (I should know, I've read them all.) I'm debating whether to force myself to wade through the only slightly giant pile o' books still living on my nightstand before reading any more Kindle books, or plowing straight into Rachel Devenish Ford's The Eve Tree, which I downloaded this morning. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

In other news we are now approaching 50 days of temperatures at 100 degrees Fahrenheit or above for the year (and many more at 99 degrees or thereabouts), with no end in sight.

Oh, Lord. Please send autumn. And rain.